Recently, I have been paranoid and tend to think that when someone hurts me, it must be because they were not raised well by their family. For example, if someone always tries to intimidate me, I would think that maybe they are also ignored at home and no one listens to what they say, so they use intimidation to assert their existence. There is always an unseen order and reason behind every behavior, and "people are influenced by their circumstances".
These statements are too absolute, as if they attribute all evil to the environment and let the real culprits off the hook. In the past, I rarely expressed my opinions with absolute certainty and affirmation, as it would make me appear immature and narrow-minded. But viewing the world is inherently biased, as Zeng Guofan mentioned in his family letters, when determining one's own thoughts, one should be firm and persistent, otherwise how can we highlight the uniqueness of each individual?
Sudden memories unfold, and some memories rush in unexpectedly like a tide...
Rabbit Doll#
When I was still too young to have my own room separate from my parents, I had a rabbit doll that I really liked. The doll had white limbs and long ears. It was my first doll, and I would carry it with me wherever I went, especially when I went to sleep. During the days when my parents would come home late and leave me at the neighbor's house, this little rabbit would accompany me from dawn to dusk.
In the village, if a child is seen carrying a doll everywhere, it would invite gossip. At that time, I couldn't remember much, but I suppose people found my behavior strange and thought the doll was unhygienic. Indeed, my parents never threw away my beloved doll because it was unhygienic or because they were afraid I would become too dependent on it and not grow up. They would wash it, dry it, and mend any damages before returning it to me. Looking back now, it seems that most of the things I loved could find a place in our home, and even if other children saw them and wanted them, they would say that those things belonged to me and not give them away.
Green Paper Mint Candy#
The attitude of parents towards their children also influences the attitudes of other uncles and aunts around them. For example, in terms of address, they would affectionately call me "Lan Lan", which is more enthusiastic compared to how they address other children. There was one uncle, however, who was a close friend of my father and an important business partner. Among our group of children, he favored another boy from another uncle's family more, and he was always indifferent towards me, neither favoring me nor coming over to play with me.
But there was one time when he came to my house and forgot something, so he had to go back home. He asked if there was anything he could bring for me, and I casually said, "Bring me some candy" (my parents were not present, only other adults and me were in the yard, so they didn't know he was bringing me candy). The uncle brought many things from the small shop at his house that they needed for their gathering, and he didn't forget to put a pocketful of candy in his pocket for me. It was the kind of candy that was displayed on shelves and in small jars for sale. I still remember that the bag of candy had green wrappers and tasted like mint.
At that moment, I was stunned to receive the candy. It was just a casual remark without any hope, but the uncle actually brought it. Usually, when my father went to his shop, he had to pay for things, and I didn't have any money to give him. It was also at that time that I felt like I was being treated as a mature person, taken seriously, and respected.
I also vaguely felt that when your parents take you seriously, other people will also take you seriously and break free from the constraints of age. Looking back now, my father always praised me, both privately and in front of others. He never belittled me. Even the smallest details, like holding chopsticks steadily or eating by myself, were always praised as if they were something worth showing off...
Until today, I still feel that my parents have given me great strength to survive in this world. They truly are the gentlest people I have ever seen in this world.